what Im thankful for

I'm most thankful my suicide attempts were unsuccessful. In my darkest moments I tried to end my life, saw no point in living if it meant I would be tortured daily in my mind. The mind is incredibly vulnerable and when you are in the lowest levels of dispare, your mind tells you that there is a way to end your suffering....and this comes to the forefront over and over and over. Selfishly I listened and tried to take the easy way out. Had I succeeded I would have missed the massive turn in events in my life. I am the happiest I have been in years. I took a new job that I absolutely love,I've traveled to places I have never been before. I've made some incredible friends in my travels.... I have proven to myself that not all people you meet have a way to take advantage of you brewing in the back of their mind. I would have missed out on watching my nephew grow up, I would have never seen Memphis, Nashville and Puerto Rico. I would have never had the chance to take the job I have now that I find so fulfilling and I would never have met and become friends with my amazing coworkers. I wouldn't have been there to comfort my mother when her fiance suddenly passed away.....she has even told me she didn't think she would have survived it had I not been there for her in one of her darkest moments. If you have been raped, you know the every day torment that goes on in your head. You know the feeling of despare and hopelessness. You know how sometimes even your body begins to fail you. Having attempted suicide myself, my advice to anyone buried under to focus on the future. Focus on your family, take that trip you have always wanted to take.. Think of everything you will miss out on. Don't let your rapest end you. Don't let your rapist rob you of you future, whether it be having children, traveling, or being there when someone you love needs you the most. I can't promise your pain will end in time, hell, I still have multiple times in a day where my mind allows the thoughts and circumstances around my rape to come to the forefront, but I am able to quickly place my focus elsewhere. Time makes functioning each day a little easier. Time distant heal all wounds, but it does at least begin to patch the wound and lessen the effects of the constant thoughts racing through your mind. I can promise, in the future, there will be multiple occasions where you will think to yourself "wow, I am really glad I am still here to see and be a part of this"