Monday, Sept 26, 2011
A full year has gone by since my rape. I have been dreading this day. I have been wondering if I whether or not I would make it to this date alive.
Surprisingly today was an ok day. My thoughts didnt wander too much, i didnt sit in a dark room feeling sorry for myself.
There was a time I was sure I wouldnt be alive once this day came.....a few suicide attempts didnt do it, so I rest my hopes were on not waking up from a surgical procedure I had a few weeks ago. Unfortunately I woke up....and in tons of pain.
These past few weeks I have been so drugged out of my mind that I really didnt think much about my rape and how poorly the DA and NOPD treated me. But now that the pain has subsided, the thoughts are coming back in full force.
I still cant sleep at night, one full year later I still lay down to relax and fall asleep and my thoughts always shift back to every aspect of my rape...making my mind race causing inability to sleep.
I havent been following any articles on the NOPD because I am doing my best to move past this, and by looking I make myself obsess more and more and that just isnt healthy. But I can say I am 100% positive that those "steps" they claimed to have taken to remedy the issues of police handling rape situations has been put off to the side, long forgotten......until it happens again,.....until it happens again where one strong woman is raped and decides that the NOPD didnt treat her fairly and properly, and the DA will be too lazy to bring About even a misdemeanor charge that could be proven without a shadow of a doubt. And when that strong woman has the courage to speak out and draw attention to the issue.......maybe she will get someone to listen and succeed where I failed..
I truly believe another woman will come along , willing to stand up for herself and when she does, I hope to hear about it so I can join her fight in any way I can- helping her will be hard, I have done so much to try to forget any and everything that happened to me, but if she is willing to fight,, I will face my demons and fight with her.
It will be a shame that this woman would have to go through this, but the NOPD hasnt changed and if she is strong enough to stand up to them, maybe she could force another look at the changes that were looked at and brushed to the side when I spoke out.
Thanks for listening/....heres to a new year of life for me
2 comments:
Finally I found someone i can relate too. Unfortunately. I felt as if something was wrong with me, its been that one year mark for me 2 days ago. Sigh. Nothing has changed. Feels like nothing will change. Atleast you have the courage to write. I can't write nor talk about it. The pain that comes with it is too much for me. :/ yikes. CNN tips?
Ive just reached the one month since the rape.... reading yours helps me realise my rollercoaster of emotions is normal. My partner has abandoned me which I'm finding even harder to cope with! It is the anger inside me waiting to explode I am scared of.
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