Flight and phobia

2/4/11 7:06 PM

Before I had left, I was worried how I would handle the long flights...being stuck in one place, no exit, with just my thoughts to get the best of me.
Lucky for me, it wasnt all that bad. In total on my way to Hawaii I had 4 different flights, 2 of which were just over an hour, one that was just over 3 and the final one, just under 6....Delta had forgotten to mention in the paperwork that my "direct"flight from Minneapolis to Honolulu stopped in San Francisco ....granted we didnt have to change planes....but im pretty sure the meaning of "direct" means nonstop.  Anway,...

I did fine...until the 6 hour flight....but no panic attacks.  About halfway through the flight from San Fran. to Honolulu my thoughts started to creep up on me.  No racing heart, no feeling like I had to get up and pace....just stupid thoughts about what happened to me and what options I had left.  Im not even sure what set my head off......but I was able to calmly work through it.....mainly with sudoku puzzles.....Having to concentrate on something else.  The good thing is that I didnt panic, didnt need ativan. I kept myself in control.

I have to admit, I was nervous walking around Waikiki....I know my rapist and his friends read this....and Waikiki is so beyond the meaning of tourist that you could easily find someone.  The strange part is.....I would have a little moment of panic any time I saw a man with a thick beard.......its actually pretty hilarious now that im out of the situation...I now have a phobia of bearded men....Kevin had a distinct Chuck Norris-esq beard....so for some reason I would jump a little anytime I saw a man of his body stature with a beard....like he was going to roundhouse my ass or something. 
Pretty ridiculous.  I think the reasoning behind the brief moments of panic were more that the visual just sent be back to the worst moments of my life.
I think its safe to say, if I ever do decide to date again that he wont be allowed to have a beard.

Back to work....more updates soon