One Giant Leap

Friday 1/14/11 2:33 PM

Last weekend a few friends did something that absolutely mortified me, and while I will actually never know the real truth.....they are no longer my friends.
A few of these people I have been friends with going on 10 years, a few of the others were just acquaintances.

While I cannot completely fault them for their actions, I can hold them responsible.  Their actions brought my completely back to my rape.  I felt incredibly violated. 
I do have to say that I never went into panic mode, never freaked out and started balling my eyes out....I calmly accepted that they did what they did and decided to cut them out of my life.
And to top it off, these people are also friends with my best friend.....whom promptly decided to call me. And dont get me wrong, im sure there was genuine concern.....but I know her....she was calling to be nosey and find out details.  I have since cut her out of my life as well....for now.....eventually I can forgive her.

While what was done would be an emotional violation to anyone, having been raped magnified it that much more.  As I said, I cant completely fault them, they didnt know I was raped......I can however make a decision to not associate with people that could do what they did to anyone, not just to me.

No. I wont tell you what was done, I dont want people reading this and getting ideas to do it to someone else.

I thought I had gotten over my feelings of total violation and anger......then a "friend" text and started harassing me, making jokes about it.

Heres the Giant Leap:
    I told him would he find it as hilarious if he knew I had been raped months prior. 
I wish I could have seen the look on his face, his texting quickly changed.
Now its out.  This person knows everyone and I live in a pretty small town.  The locals will know I have been raped.
The thing is, I really dont care.  I feel a little more relief too.  Now maybe people will think twice before they do something hurtful to someone else.

I dont have many friends, I think that people are inherently bad and that you should hold on tight to the ones that prove the opposite.  Now I have even less and couldnt care less.  I dont need people in my life that do things to hurt others....I cant believe it took me almost 10 years to realize that with a few of them.


So. Long story short.  Something was done that emotionally violated me, that was magnified times 10 because of my rape.  I kicked the sketchy people out of my life.  I have admitted to local people that I have been  raped.  My story is no longer just on the internet, my story is now in my town.....and I am more than ok with that.
I still feel stronger than ever, I am more organized and in control of my life,......I am happy.