First post of the New Year

1/2/10 Sunday 5:06 PM

So New Years didnt go as smoothly as I had hoped. I had badass movie night all by myself set up.  But in my life, always except the unexpected....or at least always expect me to change my mind.
My best friend came over, we had a few drinks and some pizza, then she left for a party and I popped in the Boondock Saints as it is one of my favorite badass, yet humorous movies.  Another friend asked me to stop by his party, so the wheels started turning.  I decided I would pick up my best friend from her party and make it to my other friends party by midnight-  by the way, my best friend was at my boss's house.

Well, with about a quarter of the Boondock Saints left, I went to pick up  my best friend with hopes of making my friends party by mid-might.....you may be able to see where this is going already.....

Let me pre-face this by saying I really dont like walking into places I havent been to before by myself. ...So I get to my boss's house, and I walk in the front door.....i dont see a single person I know.....and the panic just sets in like something you wouldn't believe.  I find my friend, and convince her we need to leave before I freak out......and then we cant find her purse......and then she needs to go outside and smoke with my boss...............needless to say I am in full blown panic mode as I have been in this house, with a bunch of people I dont know for over a half hour.  My friend finally finishes smoking with the boss and we head inside off the deck to leave.  More people had shown up and my friend is just chit chatting away........I had a full blown panic attack and found the quickest way to the front door and headed to the car telling her to stay, I couldnt.  She got to my car before I could leave.
We left, my hands were shaking, I was holding back tears.  I told her she  could either go back to the party or I would drop her off at the other party we were supposed to be at by midnight because I was going home.  She could tell I was upset and I know she couldnt understand the magnitude of what was happening to me.  She said just do what you need to do......I drove straight home.  About half way home I couldnt stop the tears and shaking.  I am not an emotional person and my best friend knows this.......but on that drive back home I just had an all out panic attack and couldnt stop crying.   We made it home before midnight....I really didnt care, I just wanted to go to bed.

I had been doing so well lately.....and I still am.   I had a momentary lapse, but I took time, I calmed myself down, and I got through it.  I took Saturday to just lay in bed and watch movies. ....I took today to clean the house (i actually didnt work on a weekend ) and watch the Saints as they lost.....which really didnt matter because the atlanta/carolina game was a blowout and the Saints had no chance at first place in the division.

I am still feeling great.  I have a trip to the Probowl to look forward to at the end of January, and I booked a trip to Vegas with my best friend for her 30th birthday the first few days of April.  I have things to look forward to.

I hope everyone is having a great start to their New Year.  I wish you all the best, and again thank everyone for taking the time to read this.