Excitement

Thursday 12/30/10 12:45 PM


I didnt write at all yesterday.....I dont think anyway.  I really dont have much to say. I have been doing incredibly well.  I absolutely still have moments that my mind wanders back to my rape, but I am easily able to push them aside and concentrate on other things lately.   No panic attacks, no nausea, no chest pains.....

In thinking back about these past three months, I do have some advice for victims of rape, or friends of victims.  Give yourself something to look forward to and be excited about ( or friends of victims give them something to look forward to.)   Keep looking ahead instead of behind.....you cannot do anything to control what happened to you or your friend.   When you are in the lowest place you can possibly be, find something to plan ahead to and look forward to.  Plan it, even though you cant possibly imagine yourself enjoying anything.  Making plans keeps you looking forward, gives you a reason to not end your life. 
Sure you have family and friends in your life that you dont want to disappoint, but sometimes your emotions will take you to a place where you will most likely think and/or attempt to end your life, despite hurting others.

I planned 2 trips to New Orleans, granted I tried to kill myself on one of them, but hey not everything is 100% fool proof.   I had to go back, I had to put pressure on.  I dont feel the need to go back anymore, but I will because I love going on vacation there.  
Now that I have been feeling so well for a while, I wanted to make sure I'd stay this way, so i went ahead and booked my trip to Hawaii.......With a trip to Hawaii on the books.....I can guarantee you even if I hit my lowest of low moments, I will not be attempting to end my life. 

As dumb as it may sound, just plan something ahead.  Keep your focus on something. Hell, E-mail me if you are in a bad spot...I guarantee I can find something completely ridiculous to say that will make you laugh.
Hell, plan a trip to Hawaii and meet me out there, its very relaxing.  Everything out there is so relaxed its almost impossible to be on vacation and get stressed out.  I will be there The last week of January.....and yes, I got tickets to the ProBowl even though I am still holding on to the Saints making it back to the Superbowl.

Back to work, my plans for New Years?  Sitting at home, drinking wine and watching Badass movies :)