Anxiety

12/21/10 - Tuesday 4:20 PM

Having a few instances of palpitations and racing heart.  Pretty much just anxiety.  I am able to talk myself out of it though.  I just take a minute, breathe and get back to work.
Its a little annoying feeling the rush to my chest ....but that feeling has been much worse so I cant really complain.

Havent heard back from the ADA regarding the new charges I want to file due to her persistence of taking the meaning of laws word for word.  She quickly responded back ever so politely reminding me I told her I didnt want to press charges.  I reminded her that a victim absolutely has the right to change their mind about pressing charges.....maybe she is putting some effort into figuring out if I can do this or not, but I doubt it.

The frustrating part is I cant hire my own representation in a criminal proceeding, I am stuck with what I get.

As much as I wanted this blog to be an encouragement to all rape victims that coming forward and not hiding anything would guarantee at least a trial....I unfortunately cant stand by that.  I have been more  than cooperative, sharing more information than is probably necessary , with the entire world

And by entire world, I mean entire world.  Im not sure on exact figures , but roughly 30 countries from all over the globe have read all or part of this blog.  Today is actually a big day.  This blog will reach over 10,000 page reads today...right now I am at 9,996.
Clearly this blog is helping people.  With the tracking from this website alone, I can tell what words were searched in google that directed someone to my page.
Not surprisingly and very unfortunately, "what to expect from a rape kit", "how do i know if i am a rape victim", and "i was raped" are 3 very common searches.

Knowing that women and/or men that are looking for information that just is not widely available on the Internet are at least getting a few details of what happens after rape, is a pretty big comfort.
I panicked when I couldnt find anything..... at least now, something, no matter how controversial this case is....is out there for victims to read and help themselves understand their situation better.  Maybe it will even convince more victims to file the report and stay on the police departments ass until the get some sort of result, whether the result is what they want to hear or not......at least they did something.

The best you can do is try.....fight like hell. Sometimes it wont go your way, and you are going to piss a ton of people off.  But if you feel your are being treated poorly by those that are sworn to protect, make sure you are heard and dont take no for an answer.  Dont let them push your case to the side because it would take too much effort to prove. Dont let them tell you there is nothing they can do. Dont let them bullshit you by telling you that all of their resources have been fully exhausted in investigating your case.   Fight until all options are exhausted......at least fighting still gives you something to live for.