Enough

12/7/10- Tuesday- 7:14 PM

Still at work, dont mind though, its quiet....

Ive decided enough with the suicidal thoughts.  I tend to stick to the everything happens that is supposed to happen theory.  If I were supposed to be dead, I would have died back in august when I had a kidney infection that got into my blood stream.  In thinking about it, I was completely ok with dying back then.  I had no regrets then, I have no regrets now.  But at least if I had died back then it wouldnt have been anyones fault....actually it probably would have been the hospitals fault for messing my testing up, but thats a story for another time.  Long story short, if i were supposed to be dead I would be. Theres got to be a reason Im still around.

I have an opportunity to teach at one of our local colleges for a few months.  Its a pretty great opportunity.  I turned it down in early October, well because lets face it, I was an emotional wreck.  A new semester starts in January, the job is mine if I want it.  What sucks is im not sure if I am back to being reliable yet.
I cant bring myself to get out of bed til 10 am, I still panic for no reason, not to mention I seem to have quite the short fuse lately.  Hopefully by spring I will get my shit back together and see if they would let me try then.  Or hopefully by spring I will have moved out of town and started my life over....change could be a good thing.

Back to work....2 more days and vacation