sunday 12/5/10- 2:50 PM
Im still at work. I am the only person here, yet i am having a panic attack. I cant stop shaking, I just want to go home. Im freaking out. I forgot to put the ativan back in my purse after freaking out yesterday so I have nothing to calm my nerves. I cant get home because i know its stupid to try driving when this is happening.
What the hell am I supposed to do
why is this all of a sudden getting so bad. I have been fine lately. what the hell is my problem. I just want to sit here and cry, but for some reason i cant cry. My mind is racing , my hands are shaking. I have no idea what is happening. and why now of all times. I was just sitting here, doing my work.
The only thing I can think that set this all off was anxiety over that party. But the party is over so why am I still panicking. As of right now, I am no longer going to leave my house to attend anything but work. I just cant. For some reason, social situations seem to set me off. I think things might be easier if I just stay home. Its not worth forcing myself to go places and hang out with people if it is going to make me crazy.
I am seriously considering just taking a leave of absence from having friends for a bit. that way i wont feel guilty when I tell them I dont want to go somewhere with them....that way I dont have to explain to people why I am not going out and doing things. Until I can stop panicking I need to do what I can to keep myself sane. Having to do things because others want me to just is not helping me right now. I am ok with fixing myself and then explaining to them later that I just needed some time.
I just cant understand why everything becomes a panic attack. What is wrong with me? I never used to panic, i never used to shake. I feel so pathetic and helpless
2 comments:
I think your panicking today not bc of social situations but bc of what lies ahead of you... you are getting VERY big news this week! It would be a nervous wreck too!
Hey girlie,
Its gonna happen for awhile. Just when you think you're fine you find out...not so much. I still go through that. The man that raped me called me a few months ago bc a family member gave him my number and damn if all that shit didn't come back in spades! I haven't seen or spoken to him in years and as soon as I heard the vm I knew it was him. It felt as if it was the beginning all over again. I'M SOOO PROUD OF YOU
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