12/28/10- Tuesday 12:43 PM
I feel 100% normal. ....well maybe not normal, but definitely good.
Thoughts of my rape still creep up in my mind, but I am easily able to push them right out of my head.
I still havent heard back from the ADA about the new charges I wish to file. Benefit of the doubt time, I will say she is on vacation. Im not panicking as to when or if she contacts me......the feeling has just become the norm for me.
I havent had a panic attack in I dont know how long. I did have those few childish fits I through, but i was able to bring myself under control without having to take medication to calm me down.
I found a routine of sorts that seems to keep me more in balance. I work at least one day a weekend, I dont come into work during the week until after 10 AM, I work until 7 or 8 then go home and take an ativan and ambien. I am a long more calm and less irritable by doing things this way. By working on the weekend, I minimize the stress others put on me because they arent around to get on my nerves. By coming in after 10, I feel rested and ready for the day after sleeping. By not going home until 7 or 8 my day is full and I can just go to bed. Its a routine that works for me.
And when I said I felt normal I guess that wasnt the right term. Today, I just plain feel stronger, more in control, more ready to take charge of things.
I have become a much stronger person in the way I handle things. I used to ask to have things done nicely, which lead to having to ask multiple times. I used to deal with people not stepping up and taking accountability for not getting things done. Not anymore.
Its actually a great feeling. I just cornered a doctor and got him to do what he's been putting off for months now. Any excuse he came up with I shot down and told him to do as he was told or he wasnt going to like my new policy I have created that will now be enforced to full effect. Me and him (and my best friend in the office hearing the whole thing, LOL) face to face. Me telling him how it is going to be done, him trying to find ways to get out of it, me telling him how it was going to be whether he liked it or not. I dont know how my best friend didnt bust out laughing because I never treat people that way.
But I guess in having to deal with the NOPD and ADA and be very forceful to get even the most minimal information, I decided not backing down, and telling people how its going to be rather than asking, gets you a lot further.
Dear Rapist, you have managed to bring a strength and totally bitch persona out that i never knew I had in me.....and as Daniel Tosh would say "....and for that we thank you" -
But you are still a creep with f*d up hair.....and for that, I also thank you because I am not sure I would have had any other memory of you to make fun of you for :)
Saints won = playoffs = me making sure I am at another game.
Oh, And I have pushed Phoenix back to April- A few friends and I are going to Vegas for my best friends 30th birthday.....so I will just take a few extra days and make my way to Phoenix - Hey rapist, you could make my life a lot easier and show your face in Vegas and try to rape me again., whether you're in Phoenix or LA its a short drive........ clearly you cant get sex where you live seeing how you raped me in New Orleans, and clearly you need to wait for a woman to be asleep/passed out drunk to even try to have sex....just to let you know, I will be drinking in Vegas.....does that excite you?
Freak. I dare you to show up.... hell I dare you to show up in NY
Hope everyone's week is going well -
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