Strange

12/20/10 - Monday 8:54 PM

Hey good news!  Im not dead  :)

I always wondered how I would react when the DA finally gave me a definitive answer.  I assumed I would panic and either slit my wrists or take some pills.

Well Im still here.  Not panicking. Not shaking.  Actually laughing a little bit.
The lack of "outside of the box thinking" or willingness to research on the DA's side is laughable.  Your a DA so you probably dont make huge amounts of money to do what you do, but come on! 
A part of the reason our country has a court system is because INTERPRETATION OF THE LAW.   Most issues in our courts today are because both sides have different views on how certain laws applicable to the case are interpreted.

What sucks is that when you are a victim of rape, and you have a lazy DA and police department that are supposed to be on your side, you are fucked.  When you are a victim of rape, you cannot hire your own lawyer and pursue your rapist, you get handed off to the state.  Shoved into the overloaded workday of an overworked DA that just cant give the time necessary to actually put together a quality case or find a way to fight for you.

When you are a victim of rape, if you are told the state wont fight for you, your only recourse is to file a civil suit.  In rape cases, unfortunately the burden of proof in a criminal court is beyond a reasonable doubt...usually the DA needs to be 99% sure a jury will have absolutely no doubts.  In a civil suit, the standard is lower.  Burden of proof is the preponderance of evidence.  The jury can still have doubt and side with the victim.

In civil cases they warn the victim that they open their life to scrutiny by all.  I say bring it...my life is an open blog.  I have a feeling my rapist is probably trying to hide all of his assets right now...if he had any.  His friends all seem to be pretty stable in what they do, so chances are he may also be stable.

I still feel as great as I felt earlier today.  I have no choice but to pick up and move on. 

When you have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain.  Nothing more can be taken from me, I have no where to go but up or 6 feet under.  I choose to go up for now.
I also choose when I want to file this civil suit.  Statute of limitations differs by state but I figure I have at least a year to file, or not file if I so choose.  I have a whole year to get anything I need together. I have a whole year to make him wait and wonder.
I have a whole year to find him on my own.
I hear flights to Phoenix are a great deal right now :)  Its probably cheaper to just fly my ass out there and find a Private Investigator.  I could get a nice vacation to a state I've never been to while a PI does all the work for me.....sounds phenomenal

And if he's not in Arizona...and he was one of the guys that lives in Los Angeles....those flights are cheap too and I have friends there.   If i was meant to find him I will.  If I wasnt, I will file the civil suit and have my lawyer find him for me. 

I think it might be time for me to take my paralegal certification test now.  I have all of the course work done, i've just been putting it off because the medical field happened to catch my eye while I was taking courses.
2 college degrees, 1 certification and another on the way......All of this education is going to pay off somehow.

Good night world.  I appreciate all of your support and I wish you all the best.

Off to bed.....