Back to crazy thoughts

Wed 11/17/10 - 5:52 PM

So i was a little more calm through the day after I posted this morning....then around 2 PM everyone decided to shove their work off on me, because they know I wont leave until its finished.  I started getting very anxious and angry again.....Every time someone would drop something off or even stop in to tell me something just pissed me off and sent my mind racing.  I am home now and I am still beyond pissed.

Who would have thought that getting good news would start to cause my mental status and emotions to revert back to the state I was in right after the rape happened.  I am pissed, I am exhausted .....and its all because I got good news.......WTF?

Anyway, in being this angry I got back to thinking.....my rapist hasnt posted since I called him out on it the last time.  I must really have him and his friends scared.....which is a comfort.....I bet he is sitting around all day....with thousands of thoughts running through his head.....waiting ....and each time the phone rings before he looks at who's calling, for that split second, I bet he is wondering if the police are calling to tell him there is a warrant out for his arrest............... At least I dont have it that bad.....I am no longer wondering if the person calling has answers for me.....the sound of my phone ringing no longer sends the chills down my body....      I wish I knew his phone number,  i would probably call him every few minutes just to know that hes getting that very same chill.......The time must go by so slowly for him....waiting....waiting for the call that there is a warrant and he needs to go back to New Orleans and face it.......That thought is very much a comfort.      OR, maybe he just doesnt care because he is so confident he got away with it.
I dont know which would be more satisfying......him not waiting for the phone call and being blindsided that he didnt get away with raping a woman or the thought that every time the phone rings he practically craps his pants......

So, Im exhausted and going to bed.........Dear rapist are you scared????  You should be