Sunday night

11/21/10 8:52

I havent gotten out of bed all weekend.....ive just layed her...sometimes able sleep a bit, other times i just layed there.  Had music on the background.  My emotions ands senses are nil......I couldnt sleep friday night....so I went back to take the ativan.....a lot.   At least I am calm now, at least my head isnt spinning.

I dont want to go back to work. I dont know if i will be able to get out of bed tomorrow.....I just have no motivation to do or accomplish anything.
After my breakdown at work, I decided to demand a position change at work.....so hopefully by the new year comes around I will be in control of what I want to be in control of.   Maybe changing my job around will help me get back some more sanity.

I just wish my rape didnt have such a massive impact on my life......I mean, is this what my life is going to turn into? Just going to work and going to bed directly after....and not getting out of bed on weekends......Being so dosed up on ativan that you have no emotions or feelings anymore.  Feeling like I am just existing.......not feeling sad for myself, but also not being happy and doing all the thing in live i loved to do before
I really have come to the point were I just care anymore.....about anything

Goodnite too all....maybe things will be better in the morning.   Cris, thank you for what you said....you always seem to make a difference