Testing Myself

Friday 1:42 PM 11/26/10-

So since I was raped I have been having an issue being in crowded rooms/areas.   I was always slightly uncomfortable in these situations prior to my rape, but I never had panic attacks like I have had in these post-rape months.

I decided to quit my bitching and pouting and quit feeling sorry for myself....and today, aka, "Black Friday" in the US was a good test.......black friday is the most crowded shopping day of the year.......Im one of those that prefers to learn by jumping right in, not easing my way in.....like when a person cant swim, you throw them in and they figure out how to same themselves.......to me , black friday was my chance to learn to swim.

People are crazy!  The masses of people crowding in and out of stores is enough to freak out even the most calm of people.  I went to the mall, I figured it wouldnt be as crowded as all the major stores that have huge electronic sales.   I didnt even have anything to buy. I just needed to get myself back to a point where I stop panicking over the smallest things.  And I have to say I did well......I stayed for a little bit over an hour, just walking around.....and when a group of people got a little too crowded, my heard started to race, but I just quickly changed direction and found somewhere a little less crowed that I could collect myself and jump back in.   I did pretty good.....and oddly enough I actually did find  a few things in a store I decided to buy....so I stood in a 25 minute long line, with tons of people in it, and walking right next to it and cutting through it.......and I never panicked....my heart raced a bit, but I never had to grab for an ativan to keep from freaking out.

So now I am still calm, I stopped into work for a few hours to get myself back to some what of an organized state.  No one is here and I am in sweat pants, ...phenominal.  So I am here, getting caught up in work, organizing my desk and by the time I leave , might even be a little ahead of the game.

Today is a good day, a calm , non crazy day.   Anyone know if the airlines are having some sort of airfare sale for black friday?? i need to book a few trips back to New Orleans so nabbing a cheap flight would be amazing.    Definately excited that the Saints held on for the win last night.....and excited that I get to see them live at the Dome in a few weeks.

Anyway, i should get back to getting my work under control so I dont go back to having to rush through everything.  I hope everyone is having a fantastic day :)