10:30 11/3/10-
Definately feeling much better today. Believe it or not I am actually in a great mood, which is odd because its month end and I am beyond swamped in work.
I think its because I actually got some sleep last night- I kept my computer in another room so I couldnt do any research no matter how badly I wanted to....out of site out of mind concept, except it was definately still on my mind, I just had enough restraint to know I am in desperate need of a good night sleep and no matter how badly I needed to research I couldnt, I cant let myself fall apart again like I did yesterday afternoon.
The only bad part about actually almost sleeping through an entire night was that I had to go back to the 1 Ativan and 1/2 an Ambien to do it. I dont want to have to resort to that for the rest of my life, but the way I feel right now......it may be worth it just to get back to being myself again.
Im not snapping at my best friend, Im taking on more work than I should be...but thats ok because I do love my job and I am in a great emotional state right now, I am able to keep the office door open and joke around with my friends.........my mind is constantly wandering to the thoughts that my rape kit should be back by now but I still havent gotten a phone call, but I just shake it off.....there is nothing I can do about it so why let it get to me.
I was planning on going back to New Orleans on the 20th, but my best friend cant go now. My mom says she will go but I feel bad because November is a very crazy month for her. I have a hotel booked.....I have been watching for cheap flights...but they have been over $300 and pretty crappy flights for the past week so I havent booked. I am not sure if I am ok with not going back and getting answers, but I dont want to stress my mother out already more than she is. But if a super cheap flight comes along....Im there.
Not to mention I already have a flight and hotel booked for December, so I know I should have answers by then, and if I dont, I will take to the streets again. My kit was supposed to be processed and completed last friday.....if I dont have an answer by December I am going back and causing trouble for sure.
Im also considering offering a reward for the person that can give me my rapists name.....as long as it turns out to be true of course. I find it pretty shitty that my rapist is being afforded more rights than I am as the victim. Money makes people talk........
Also, I am pissed.....here is an even further clue to the identities of my rapists friends.....if you know people that are friends, that have these names.....maybe you can help me
Mac F., Paul R., Kevin L., Don aka Left BLOW ( dont get me started on that...and if you know someone with this nickname....im pretty sure hes the only one so......help a girl out here) and Mike whom is married and has at least 1 child. These men all live in Arizona.....the Phoenix/Scottsdale area......
If I get a name that pans out....it will be worth this "whistle blowers" while
Thanks for listening and have a wonderful day ...because I am :)
1 comment:
Post a Comment