Its Monday morning. I woke up at 9 and mom was gone. I assumed she had gone to get breakfast. I checked my phone, no messages, no "first thing in the morning" call from Detective #3. I am furious, I am overwhelmed, I have no idea what came over me. I shower, as im getting dressed mom walked in with beignets. She gets in the shower. I can't even remember what I told her, but I told her I was going out, she shouts to me to wait 10 minutes she will come with, I tell her I can't wait and take off.
First stop, store...I need poster board and markers. Im filling the script for Ativan that I was given at the hospital the second time (a Dr. came in just to check in, at least he spoke with me unlike Ms. Dr. from my exam- I show him my shaking hands, he leaves and is back within seconds with a pill and a prescription). While Im waiting, I ask the pharmacist to use the counter space. No problem. I dont care who sees what Im writing- One sign says follow me to my rapists house- my route was to walk back to that house, I had no idea if he would be there, I had no idea he wasnt arrested. My other sign announces that NOPD won't help rape victims. I get my script and walk outside. At first I hide the signs, I'm scared. I had no idea I had it in me to do something like this. I was the girl who made sure to schedule every class that didnt have an oral presentation as a requirement. I check my phone, its after 10....no phone call first thing in the morning.
Fuck it- I walked down Canal st. with a sign saying follow me to my rapists house....I notice the looks from people at first, then I dont care. All the way down Canal St. Right onto N. Rampart- past the police station. I stop in front of the house. There is a woman there, waiting on a bus. I point out she may not want to stand where she is I tell her my rapist could be inside. I look in the window, house is clean...too clean, they have all left. This "man" was allowed to walk around like nothing happened....i could have decided to go out one night and bumped into him on the corner....The woman tells me the new station is right across the street a few buildings down, I thank her and head in that direction.
A man pulls up in his car. Wants to make sure im ok and that I know what im doing. I do. He's very encouraging, very caring. I give him my number so he can send me information. Very inspiring human being. I walk into the news station and speak with the receptionist. She tells me I can't speak with anyone they are all in a meeting. I leave and head back out on the street now holding the sign that the NOPD wont help rape victims. 2 employees are outside, one stops me encourages me to come back inside with her. She takes me to a break area and calls upstairs to interrupt the meeting. Timing. She called right as the reporter I had contacted the night before was bringing up my story for what I can only assume to be an "is it worth it" sort of meeting where they decide which stories to cover. The staff tells her they will call me right after the meeting, they are interested.
Back down the street with my sign, I decide to use the police station as an area where people would take interest. I can see everyone in their cars turning, trying to read my sign in its entirety. I finally stand right next to a cop car, sign in hand....2 cops come out, one a Sergeant the other im not sure. I apologize to them for using their car, their Sergeant asks whats going on. I retell my story- im being ignored- he asks if I've been to Chief Headquarters or something like that, I tell him I would love to go there, Ive been calling everywhere trying to find out some piece of information, where to go...who to talk to. I was even once connected to the homicide division....i left a message asking for a return phone call so I could find the right place.....no call...must have also been a Detective.
The Sergeant and his partner drive me over to the location of the sex crimes division, walk me inside and take me right to the office where the man, Detective #3, who still had yet to return my call sits around. Thank you to those men.
I first speak with another Sergeant. Very kind, very polite. Tries to be a constant reassurance that I will find answers. I then get to speak with Detective #3. Let me tell you, he has all of the department lines down flat. We are doing what we can, we are investigating....blah blah- Please answer my question directly....why was I not informed no arrest was made? Why was I not informed of the exact process of what has to happen? Why is it so difficult for you to answer simple questions?!?!?!?!
I want a name. I want to know who did this to me. Doesn't a victim have the right to know who their attacker is? Whats the difference if I find out now, or at trial, or after the fact when the department tells me theres not enough evidence just so they dont have to put forth any effort into a trial.
I inform Detective #3 I have every intention of meeting with the press. He tells me that it wont help. I don't care, this is bullshit. Stop reciting lines from a department handbook. I can't look at this man any more I excuse myself and show myself out.. The Sergeant catches up and escorts me out of the building. I walk out to the street right in front of the building and stand there with my sign. About 5 minutes later the Sergeant calls me, asks if Im still around....you know exactly where I am Sergeant. He asks me to come back and he will take me to the building next door to meet a "victim counselor" that is to act as a liaison between the DA's office and the NOPD. Im told if I have any questions about my case to contact her, she can get the answers....... Why didnt you tell me this when I was upstairs??? Did it slip your mind?? Its no wonder rapes dont get reported everything takes forever and people leave out the necessary information the victim needs. I should not have to pressure people into giving me this information.
The Sergeant and I are waiting in the lobby for the victim counselor....its taking a while....the reporter calls, asks where I am...the reporter wants to meet. Finally! Someone is listening, someone is responding.....its a miracle! I tell her where I am and that I need to meet with someone, but I will be right back out front holding my sign when I was finished. The reporter will meet me there. The Sergeant overhears the entire conversation....good. You know im serious. Finally, I can breathe.
Finally meet with the counselor, Sergeant by my side. The counselor tells me what their job is and that I can call for information any time. Asks what I want to know. I say I want a name. Of course I dont get one, but I am asked why I want one.....how about closure, how about a victims right to know?? Some other type of counselor comes in and also has no answers. Im getting annoyed. I honestly dont remember a word that counselor said, got up, excused myself and walked out to the front door. The victim counselor follows me, I apologize for my actions and I walk out the door....back to hold my sign....back to do what seems like the only thing I can do.
After a few minutes of standing the reporter is here. I thought I would be nervous, im not. Im pissed. The lack of answers, the lack of everything has taken me to a level of courage I had no idea was in me. I am not shaking. I am not feeling sick to my stomach. I am fighting, standing my ground, forcing results.
Up next will be the second half of my day, including meeting the reporter and how things got rolling- I am exausted.
Thanks for reading
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