So i woke up this AM still exhausted and told myself I wasnt signing in to blog today. Im just tired and this blogging does make me think about what happened way to much to be healthy. I had it in my head that maybe I would take today off and then wouldnt post again until I came back from New Olreans....but apparently I cant do that.
Anonymous says that things are disappearing from my blog. This just simply isnt true. They say that I wrote something about drinking red punch the night of the rape.....I honestly dont ever remember saying that, and the only red drink I had that night came from Pat Obriens around 10 PM, So i honestly cannot give an answer to where that comes from.
Caroline and Anonymous- I appreciate both of you and you are both correct, I do need to speak with someone but I am as stubborn a person you will ever meet, and I cant force myself to go, not yet. And I do have 2 close friends and my mother that I confide in so I am not alone in this.....One of my friends even sides with you Anonymous and questions whether this really does constitute rape ....so I have feedback from both sides and that helps me to. I 100% promise that when I am ready to break down and start crying about everything I will go to see someone and begin to heal....but for right now I have my friends, family and this blog.
Now, back to the reason I decided to sign in today- When my thoughts go all crazy seems to be downtime, like the drive to work or in the shower. Well this morning after having my mind made up to take a break from this, I had another "epiphany toilet" moment...those of you that watch scrubs get that reference. Anyway, The night I first met these boys The Bachelor said something to me.....and hes lucky he is the only name I cant remember because I would contact his wife or soon to be wife and tell her what kind of creepy guy he is. We was quiet, but there was just something off about him and throughout the night we didnt talk much and he actually went of with Action Hero friend for most of the night so i wasnt around him much.
Anyway, when he arrived back at the house shortly before my mother and I left, he had told me that he and the boys had a bet going that I would have sex with my friend that night (which FYI we didnt and my friend never once pressured me to)....I just laughed it off as stupid boy behavior and thought nothing of it....
Call me a conspiracy theorist....but you may already see where I am going with this. What if Creepy Mr. Bachelor Boy offered money to my rapist to do what he did??? I dont know if im reaching with this one....but this bachelor boy was pretty creepy and its just making me think, if he said that the first night, maybe he tried to start something the following night. The thought makes me sick
Ok , got that out, now off to my shit-tastic day at work trying to deal with this whole other issue
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