Physical Reminders

Its 10 AM 10/19/10-  Finally! my last physical reminder of the day I was raped is gone.....that bruise on my forearm lasted over 3 weeks, but i can finally look down as I am typing and not be reminded.
Im hoping that with the last of the physical reminders gone, that I wont think about my rape as much.....no physical triggers to memories.
I still have those times in the car, or when im in the shower.....those times for some reason seem to be the times when I just have time to really do nothing but think....and my thoughts always seem to go back there.  I still have to take ativan so I can sleep through the night and not wake up violently 5 or 6 times a night.

Im nervous to go back to the New Orleans this weekend.  Im not really sure why.  I will definitely be making a stop at police headquarters, I know they wont have an answer for me....but maybe they will shock me and my rape kit will have come back early.   I have an extra bag full of tshirts and sweatpants to donate to the ER, Im a little nervous to walk back into the ER.....what if the people that were working when I was first brought in were there, what if they remember me, what if I get those "looks"?

A friend is coming with me and they have never been to New Orleans before. Im excited that I get to show them all around the city and show them why I love it so much....The thought that I can do this calms me a little.  I also get to take my friend to their first NFL game.....seeing a Saints game as your first game is the only way to go.

It seems like going back is the best thing to do for me mentally.  I confronted my attacker, I confronted the police, I dealt with the fact that I was wronged. Now its time to face the city where it happened.....It shouldnt be that hard. I was never afraid of the city or the people in it before, and my rapist was from Phoenix so I am expecting my trip will be just like all the rest of them. Eating great food, Having some cocktails and meeting some great people.
Im not sure if I have mentioned this before. But in all my trips to New Orleans, I have made 3 great friends that I still keep in contact with today. 2 Live about 2 hours from New Orleans but when I am in town they try to make it. The other lives right on the outside of the city.   I am not willing to travel somewhere and think the worst of people. If I did that, I wouldnt have met these 3 great people....or the friends that I have met in other cities.