MIA

Hi everyone, sorry I have been MIA lately....ive been pretty exhausted lately and emotionally drained. Just havent felt much like writing.....right now, writing seems to be just a reminder

My friend and I went down to New Orleans last weekend.  I started to get pretty nervous on the second part of the flight, thank goodness Crisx posted when she did. I remembered her words and was able so smile and calm myself.

My friend and I landed , got right to the hotel and went right out to dinner.  I was nervous to leave the room, but once we got to dinner I seemed to forget everything and just had a good time.  My friend had never been to the city before so it was great to see his face at everything I showed him.
Our second day I got to take my friend to his first NFL game......We had such a phenomenal time....I cant believe the Saints lost to the Browns though......thats pretty F'd up if you ask me, but I still love them

My plans for going back down to New Orleans were to get answers....but when I got there I found myself just wanting to forget it all and just have fun in a city I have always loved.  I had planned on going to the police station, speak with a law professor at a college and stop at a few local agencies that may be able to help me.  I instead, barely thought about what happened and just ran around and laughed the entire time with  a true friend. A friend that has stood by me through everything and listens to my crazy thoughts when I need to vent them.

One night, I did however end up going back to that house on N Rampart St.  I had remembered that when I was there last, there was a sign in the window.  I was hoping that sign would be there so I could call and meet the person that rents it out....maybe he could give me the name of the man that signed the agreement.  No such luck that sign was down.   It was more sickening for my friend to be there than me.  I had seen that house many times before while on vacation down there, so to me, it wasnt as big of  shock to my system to go back there as I thought it might be.   My friend had that sick to your stomach reaction, so i looked around as much as I could and we left and went back to the hotel.

Tuesday I had planned to go to the police station for answers,but I was having such a great time I didnt want to put a damper on my trip.....It was nice to not have every thought in my mind consumed with my rape.  We did however make it back up to the ER and dropped off some clothes we had brought with us to a SANE nurse,  I wish you could have seen the smile on her face.  Made me want to cry right there.  After we dropped everything off we just walked around all day...yes in that nasty hot humidity....but we still had fun and lost a few pounds in sweat lol.

The main reason I was so ok without trying to find out information this trip was because I already have a trip planned for next month.....I will be back in a few weeks, and by then  my rape kit should have results back by then......I was told 2 weeks go that the results could be in, in 2 weeks......Friday was the 2 week mark, so there was no point in harassing the police department before that. 
I still havent heard my results are back......and if I dont hear by my next trip, I will be pressing the department harder. Next trip will be mostly business. and Next trip I will get the answers I am looking for.
In case u are wondering my next trip is soon,  i have my suitcase out and ready to go so in a few weeks, i will be back , this time with another friend and my mom.  

I really dont feel all that much like writing anymore.  I have been able to control my thoughts for the most part. As I have said before its the quiet, alone times, like in the shower, driving to work or trying to fall asleep when my thoughts tend to drift back to my rape.  I really dont have much emotion anymore.  No passion, No energy really to go do anything.  I am just existing.  I find people are getting on my nerves a lot quicker than they used to.  Normally I would just crack a joke in my head and let them be, now I just want to slap them in the face and tell them to shut the f up.  Even my friends are now sometimes on my nerves.  The people who are the closest to me are driving me crazy. Sometimes I just want quiet. Just because you are in the room with someone doesnt mean you have to hold a conversation every time.   Just be fricking quiet!  help with our problem of noise pollution for goodness sake :)   One of my friends is acting like nothing ever happened to me and is expecting me to be the way I was, always joking around and doing stupid stuff just because its funny. And I guess for the most part, that is my fault.  Ive been doing my best to act like everything is ok and that Iam not any different than I was.  Its my fault my friend doesnt understand that sometimes I just need them to shut their mouth and quit annoying the hell out of me.

Thank you again to all of you that have shown your support to me, you are really having a  major affect on my life and I truly thank you.

Im not sure how or when I will write anymore.....It is kind of hard to write when you are pretty emotionless and have no passion

Oh! and one more thing-  MP4 I thank you for that, Im glad I can have an effect on your life like you have had in mine :)